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Hello, I Think You’re Stupid

December 22, 2010

I have been up for a while.  Since 6 am or so.  Mostly it has been spent outside, where there is day-old snow on the ground and it isn’t really very cold.  Especially if you are properly attired.

The few minutes I have not been outside, I have had the pleasure of listening to some sports radio and reading a couple news items.

The outside part was contemplative and joyful.

The part where other people intrude on my thoughts was less pleasant.

The sports news douches were discussing “The Guru” Phil Jackson (former coach of the NBA Chicago Bulls and current coach of the NBA LA Lakers) who doesn’t want to play basketball on Christmas.  Theses sports douches also didn’t think there should be a football game (technically there is, but for all practical purposes Dallas Cowboys vs Arizona Cardinals doesn’t really count).

You see, they want me to know that there shouldn’t be nonessential work during the holiest day of the year.  Naturally, I wonder why we should even worry about Easter at this point of the year.

Why the hell does anyone even pretend to care about this.  Particularly people whose occupation is to discuss highly paid societal warts playing games.  Only taking a break in order to sell Cialis, beer and legal services.

The radio host goes on to explain that his brother, now living in England, is having a roast goose on Christmas.  This is astounding and baffling for our poor local host.  Our host has never had goose.  In fact, he’s never even had duck.  He is proud to be a provincial rube and someone is paying him to drop these gems on me every morning.  Presumably, the radio suits are hoping we all stay just as stupid, boring and insipid as our host.

Pass me a beer.  I need to choke down another Cialis.  I’ve got working ladies coming over later.

Ahem…back on track…

Turning from the radio is no help.  The Interzone greets me with a news item about Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour:

On Tuesday, the Mississippi governor sought to clarify his remarks to the Weekly Standard’s Andrew Ferguson about growing up at the height of the civil rights movement in Mississippi.

“I just don’t remember it as being that bad,” Barbour had told Ferguson, noting that his hometown, Yazoo City, Miss., wasn’t at the flash point of racial tensions at the time.

The governor went on to credit theCitizens Council, a group that has been viewed as pro-segregationist, for helping to integrate his hometown more peacefully than other cities in the Deep South were integrated.

Barbour, of course, was in the news to clarify what he said as not exactly what he said, but rather…something close to what he said, but less idiotic.  I’m sure he isn’t so astoundingly daft as to have meant anything truly asstastic when he initially made those statements (though, I wouldn’t totally discount the possibility).  However, like the average fool, he is not competent enough to even know when he’s stepping in it.  Obviously, a good candidate for high office.

Ya know, I don’t remember the 1992 LA riots as being that bad.  I was ensconced in the bubble of a university community in the Midwest while it happened, but still….I don’t remember it being that bad when I saw it on the news while I was trying to reenact Animal House on the shores of Lake Michigan.  I don’t know what Dre was singing about.  I think he’s just super sensitive.

In less important news, some crusty uppers got married.  They also got divorced and split up their previous families in order to do so.  And they had it all written up in the Sunday New York Times Vows column.

Life is messy.  I don’t really care what these asshats are doing with their lives, but this is what struck me…

Riddell [the bride] told Forbes on Tuesday: “We did this because we just wanted one honest account of how this happened for our sakes and for our kids’ sakes. … There was nothing in the story we were ashamed of.”

But now it seems like her groom, advertising executive John Partilla, has some misgivings —  about agreeing to let the Times profile him, that is.

“I think if we had had [sic] an indication afterwards of the nerve it would have struck,” he told Page Six, “we obviously would not have shared our life in any way publicly.”

Listen up, fuckers.  You can have an “honest” account of your story without blasting it to the readers of the NY Times.

While I doubt you have “nothing to be ashamed of” (Ridell’s ex-husband seems to have another take on it, as is typical) in the story of your lives to this point, what you should be ashamed of is thinking anyone else gives a shit or that anyone would read your charming story of falling in love while married and the months-long tale of two crumbling households that led to your reinvented American family.

The worst foul of all?  How in the fucking world could you be so self-absorbed as to not realize how many Times readers would not find this tale the equivalent of a typical vows column?

Indeed, how could people like you have ever predicted any negative backlash from dumping this fairy tale on newspaper readers.

The plebeians make such a fuss sometimes.  They just do not understand.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. December 23, 2010 1:20 AM

    its better for you just to hang out on the forum.

  2. December 25, 2010 6:33 PM

    Of course it would help. And after, you can put an honest item in The New York Sunday Times about how it all went horribly wrong.

    • December 27, 2010 12:47 PM

      Horribly wrong in the most rightest way. Long suffer the Queen!

      Pass me another Cialis.

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