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The Problem With Royalty

December 1, 2010
LeBron James' pregame ritual of tossing powder...

Image via Wikipedia

For those that pay no attention to bouncing round balls, there is a boy named Lebron.  He calls himself The King or King James.  People really appreciate how well he bounces a ball.

Months ago, this Lebron fellow was without a Royal Court and he let a bunch of men of industry try to buy their way into his inner circle jerk.

I think I should mention that I don’t like the boy.  I never have.  He bothers me.  It has nothing to do with his abilities with balls.  It has a small bit to do with His Airness.  It is mostly just a feeling you get in your gut.  Sometimes you just don’t like folks.  I don’t need a reason.  Every time I see him, my face screws up like I chomped a ripe lemon at the exact moment I received a surprise prostate exam.

I really did not want him on my Bulls.  I felt like I was being an ass for going to the wishing well and throwing in all my change in hopes that he didn’t show up here.  I would rather root for losers than have that guy in my city.  How selfish of me.  Besides, the Bulls have a likable, young, local fellow who will turn out just dandy if nobody ruins him.

If you do the google thing, you can see the list of inanity that has occurred in The King’s orbit since the end of the previous NBA season.  I can’t help but chuckle.  It seems so fitting and I’m glad it isn’t happening in Chicago, where the team needed discipline and structure – the exact thing that seems to be spoiling the party in Miami.

I’m sure The King’s team will get better.  One of his teammates (Wade) is actually a really good player and generally has his head on straight (despite recent evidence to the contrary).  However, they aren’t going to set the single season record for wins.  This isn’t the perfect season that we were told was a fait accompli for King James and his serfs.

Why am I even talking about this?  Because it is so obvious that this boy lacks perspective and has nobody that will tell him the truth.  We all need friends that will tell us when we are being a spastic asshole.

This quote is the absolute best (from Ball Don’t Lie via ESPN’s Chris Broussard, who I also think is a tool):

“He’s jumping on them,” one source said. “If anything, he’s been too tough on them. Everybody knows LeBron is playful and likes to joke around, but Spoelstra told him in front of the whole team that he has to get more serious. The players couldn’t believe it. They feel like Spoelstra’s not letting them be themselves.”

Why so serious, Coach?  Are people’s job’s on the line?  Did Miami pay an obscene amount of money for this clown?  Is the NBA serious business for owners, sponsors and fans that pay to watch?

Yes.  Yes.  Yes.

Should anyone really care?

No.

Is someone being too hard on you, dear reader?

I hope the fuck so.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. December 2, 2010 11:34 PM

    Oh shut up. You love surprise prostate exams.

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